Sir William Proves the Validity of Evolution (Satire)

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Sir William Ladybug sailed through Staten Christian Day School classroom window one bright April morning. With difficulty he extracted himself from the fish tank before the whales and other denizens of that deep consumed him. Launching on a discovery voyage of his new world, he returned to a point near his place of entry. On a plateau there, he was immediately rewarded with a discovery, which took away his breath. Numerous mummified ladybugs lay in a ladybug graveyard there. They lay with dignity on their backs, their legs ceremonially arranged to point straight upward. Sir William began his careful task of cataloguing the dead, only to be interrupted by another startling discovery. His discovery was an orange ladybug near the far edge of the plateau. This larger fellow possessed a cranial capacity obviously smaller than his fellows, and his dull color and irregular spots proved him to be inferior.

He even smelled inferior. Sir William jotted notes furiously about this possible ancestor of his own red ladybug race. It didn't occur to him to examine the other corpses to try to learn whether any of his fore bearers might actually have been superior to him. He knew that wasn't possible.

Sir William made a note to bring an anthropologist to examine the graveyard for further significant clues, and soared away to loftier undertakings. As he flew near the sheer white cliff on his right, he nearly banged into the jungle protruding from it. He didn't have much time to explore it, especially since he was wary of lurking predators in its leafy depths. He had just named the jungle the "Sir William Ladybug Jungle" after himself when events he didn't understand came into play. Had he possessed human ears, he would have heard Brother John announce, "Job time," and a short while later say, "Miranda, you may water the hyacinth." Unfortunately for him, he possessed no such anatomical parts as ears, and so was totally at a loss to explain what happened next.

A flood of water poured down upon him and mired him in the soft black soil. The force and the volume stunned him, and he fluttered feebly. Through incredible heroics and perspicacity, Sir William floated to the surface and sat in a sunray to dry. After collecting his wits, Sir William pondered the happenings from on high. Shaken, he briefly considered the possibility that an intelligence higher than himself existed. Fortunately, his scientific training came to his aid, and he assured himself that there was a natural explanation.

Upon drying himself, he soared through the air, away from the white cliff, and deeper into the unknown. At length he arrived at another white cliff, and found thereupon a marvelous creature with three moving black sticks upon a white background. He saluted the creature, but when he received no reply but a steady tick, tick, tick, he landed upon it. At length with arduous labor that took at least a day from his life span, he squeezed through a crack between the creature and the cliff behind it and discovered a jumble of gears and wheels spinning in an orderly fashion. He gazed upon them with awe. He knew not what they were. It came to him that for marvelous works to come together by chance, which was the only way it could have been, ages upon ages must have elapsed, perhaps nearly a year.

Sir William found himself again unfortunate. In getting too close to one of the wheels, he found himself knocked downward and injured. He squeezed out through a crack, but somewhat dazed, soared downward and landed on a brown plateau whose hugeness and smoothness intrigued him. Despite the terrible wounds to his anterior extremities, Sir William hobbled off in search of meaning in this environment.

At length, quite close to the edge of the plateau, he chanced upon a huge silver dome. Sir William walked around and around this edifice, but upon finding no door, determined that this was most likely a temple used by ancient ladybug worshipers, before the age of enlightened scientists such as himself had dawned. A ladybug lying dead quite close to the edifice furthered this impression, and he noted that the ancients had deposited their dead by their sites of worship. He jotted in his notebook, "Perhaps even ladybug sacrifice as part of worship?" He was otherwise unable to account for the rather flattened and mangled condition of the creature, and the fact that instead of lying in natural repose on its back, it lay face downward, with two of its legs missing.

Sir William failed to hear Brother John say, "Another ladybug on my desk by that one I just swatted! I don't know why they like my bell so well. What did I do with my flyswatter?"

Sir William did, however, realize that he had devoted a large portion of his life to the cause of science, and that he would doubtless receive an honorary degree from the ladybug society, as well as recognition for his discovery at countless ladybug banquets. He soared away through the open window and didn't even notice that Brother John closed it right behind him. He didn't even hear Brother John say, "Before I dismiss you, 6th grade, I want to give you your science assignment for tomorrow. It is page 256, on ladybugs."

- Farmington NM

Editors Note: Jesus commonly used the parable teaching method. While the fascia focus of the foregoing piece seems to center upon school life and the apparent idiocy of an evolutionist's "small world" examination for final conclusion of the whole, its core argument raises imperative life questions. How often do we commit like acts? This parable was chosen for print in Pilgrim Witness upon its persuasive point concerning the all too often tiny, surface, deductions of men concerning what is really the larger (in many matters). That is, the human fallacy of assessing of the whole by mere analysis of the small. Jesus warned against such error. "Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand" (Matt 13:13).